Moan for me like Helen Keller
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize