Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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