I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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