I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize