I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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