If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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