I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
