I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Randomize
