Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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