My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
