seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Randomize
