He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
