i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
