she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
