the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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