What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
