The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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