do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize