Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
