I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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