sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
