we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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