census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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