If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
