yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
