where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize