she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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