I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
