Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
