and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
