It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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