Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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