Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
