I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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