It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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