Whod you bang
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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