I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
