I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
