After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
