well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize