Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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