She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
