I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize