you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
