it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
