God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
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