Jerry, you need to find god
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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