Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I touched a dick in church today
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
