What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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