Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
