is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
