The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
