That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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