I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
farters have to be the big spoon...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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