do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
