We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
