ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
