Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
