well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
