I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
