Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize