went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
