recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
