is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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