the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
