we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He better not be in your backpack
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
